I love to write. Most of my stories I only share with a select few – either because they inspired it or it seems fitting to that person.
This one I wrote quite some time ago, but it feels like one that may be fitting to share.
May we all find peace within.
Love, Chelsey
———
There once was a girl who grew up hearing the story of her people. The hate, the murder, the horrible awful mascerade, torture and death of so many. All in the name of hate, all before she was ever born.
Once she was old enough to understand and started getting the undertoned jokes about being one of “those people” she vowed to make things right. She made a silent promise to herself (and the world) to be so good in an attempt to make up for the prolific awfulness of what her people had done.
“I have to be perfect. I have to do things right. There is no option here for badness. I will smile. I am in control. I am kindness. I will be nice. I will not disrupt. I will never be angry. And I will especially never hate. “
After declaring this to herself, she went about her life doing everything she could to be perfect (what her definition of perfection was, anyway).
Some days later, she noticed a girl playing in the marketplace. She must be new, she thought, having never seen her before.
This girl had untamed hair and was always wearing the same old faded blue overalls, all torn and stained, hanging down just below her knees. She had a wildness in her eyes and appeared to be completely out of control. She was emotional, unruly, loud, seeming not to care at all what others thought of her. She was reckless — crazed, even. It was downright disturbing to watch her, like a wild animal she decided. Yes! She reminded her of a rabid dog.
This terrified the girl. She tried to keep to herself. Stay focused on being the good girl she was and so wanted to be. She said the right things. She did what was expected of her. She never showed anything other than kindness. She gave and gave and gave. She was going to make a difference. She was going to be the change and show the world the people of her country could be different. They could be good and loving and kind.
Throughout the exhausted years of effort and trying, she would notice the girl — always alone, disheveled, explosive — sometimes growling at people or rummaging through the garbage behind the shed.
How disgusting she thought. What is wrong with her? Why is she acting like that? We must show the world how good we are! This girl isn’t helping our reputation at all. It’s because of people like her we will always be bad.
And she felt the anger rising from within.
“I am trying so hard to be good, to do things the right way, to show the world we can be better and here she is ruining everything!”
The anger turned to rage and the rage to hate.
She ran from the marketplace screaming and crying and hid under a tall old tree, shaking and scared, completely astonished by the hate that existed inside her.
The wild girl found her sobbing beneath the tree. She had been waiting for her for a very long time.
She embraced her. Held her. Loved her. And the two became one once again.
Being all of her, nothing less and nothing more, is how she became the change the world was waiting for.
—- The girl who split in two
Copyright © 2020 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling
