Personal share: how feeling like a hypocrite motivated me to change

will_chelsey

I have always felt a bit hypocritical when I tell a client that exercise will help their mood.

I know it’s true because there are hundreds of studies that prove this to be factual information. However, I have always had difficulty motivating myself to use exercise for my own mood, energy level, and overall health.  

If I’m being really honest…..I hate exercise. 

So finding the motivation to force myself to do this thing that I find no joy in is pretty much nonexistent. 

One day I heard myself telling a client about the benefits of exercise.  And at that moment I felt like the biggest hypocrite on the planet. I had no motivation to get myself to exercise, yet here I was trying to get my client to!

After that session I started seeing this sign flashing in my mind over and over “motivation for fitness” which is a sign for M Team Fitness – a personal training business I drive by every day on my way to work. I hadn’t ever really paid attention to it before, but now it was flashing loudly in my head. 

So, I googled it. I reached out and I asked for help.  Lo and behold I got an appointment for the very next day. (Well, sh*t.)

Now I was scared, terrified really.  This was me stepping completely out of my comfort zone. I kind of wanted to cry from fear of having to ask someone to teach me the basics of how to use gym equipment at age 36. 

I was going to have to admit my weakness…I can’t motivate myself to exercise. 

I was so embarrassed, but how could I keep telling my clients the benefits of exercise and ask them to do it when I couldn’t even motivate myself to go for a freaking walk?!

And so I went, palms sweaty and totally prepared to cry in front of this random stranger because that’s what I do when I’m scared…I cry. 

What was I really scared of? 

I was scared of the unknown, scared of not being good at it, scared I wouldn’t be able to do it, scared I would embarrass myself, scared I’d quit before I really started and disappoint myself, scared of being vulnerable…

Walking through that door on the first day was the hardest part. It was harder than all the weights I’ve lifted, it was harder than all the miles

I’ve run, it was harder than every part of my actual personal training experience since. Just walking in the door….that first step is always the hardest. 

I can now proudly say the benefits have outweighed the fear and I can talk to my clients in a way that feels much better. 

I am happier because I exercise. 

My moments of joy, clarity and focus have increased considerably since I started personal training. I laugh more. I have more energy. I am more present in all aspects of my life. 

I am capable of doing more than I think I can.

When my trainer, Will, hands me a really-heavy-to-me weight that I just know I won’t be able to lift and then I do it perfectly (or even not so perfectly, but I do it) I feel a sense of pride in myself. I feel impressed by my body. I feel really good inside. And it makes me wonder…what else can I do if I try?

I don’t hate exercise. 

I have fun during a workout session. And even though there are moments of it that I am silently cursing Will and wanting to throw up, I can now say I like to exercise. This is a big one for me. This means other things I think I hate or dislike on a large level may just be lies I tell myself because I’m scared.

I know I’m not the most graceful weight lifter, and I don’t lift the weight someone else would be proud to talk about, my form is far from perfect,  but I’m here doing it anyway. It challenges me, helps me grow (literally ;)) and gives me another aspect of myself to feel good about. 

It’s okay to ask for help. We aren’t meant to know everything and get through this life on our own. We don’t have to be perfect to have value and worth. When we can accept that—when we can believe that— life gets easier. 

So, if there is any area of your life that you are wanting to change (or feel hypocritical about)—find an expert on that thing, ask them for help, then….take the step (in fear if you must, but take the step)!

Copyright © 2020 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling

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