Why Context Matters: The Full Picture Behind “My Therapist Said…”

We’ve all heard it before: “My therapist said…” It’s a phrase that can make a huge impact on how we view ourselves and others. But there’s a crucial element often left out of these statements: context. What was the intention behind those words? What was the broader conversation? Without understanding these things, we can easily walk away with interpretations that aren’t entirely true.

Recently, I had an experience with a client that perfectly illustrates why context matters. During our session, my client referred to someone else as a “pussy.” It was said in a moment of frustration, as a way of criticizing that person’s perceived weakness. Rather than agreeing or moving past it, I turned the label back on him and asked, “Where are you being a pussy in your own life?”

Now, imagine if that moment were isolated and shared out of context: “My therapist called me a pussy.” It could easily be misunderstood as me attacking or shaming the client. Out of context, it sounds harsh and inappropriate. But when you see it in the context of the entire conversation, it becomes clear that the intention was never to insult. Instead, it was about helping him see the projection he was placing on someone else and to explore where he might be feeling vulnerable himself.

The Danger of Partial Truths

When we hear “My therapist said…” without understanding the full story, it’s easy to jump to conclusions. Maybe you think the therapist was harsh, unsupportive, or completely off-base. But therapy sessions are like complex puzzles, with each piece—each word and interaction—part of a larger picture. If we isolate a single piece, it may look confusing, or even damaging. But when it’s placed back within the broader context, the purpose and intention come into focus.

In the case of my client, my goal was to use his own language to reflect back the judgment he was placing on someone else. It was an exercise in projection, to help him explore whether this harshness toward others was really about his own fear of vulnerability. By asking him to turn that label inward, we began to uncover some deep-rooted beliefs he held about himself. Due to the nature of how I presented the projection, the room ensued with laughter from my client.

But hearing only that single statement—“Where are you being a pussy?”—can make it sound like I was being cruel. When we only hear fragments of what a therapist says, we might assume things that aren’t true, and the real meaning behind the words can get lost.

The Intention Behind Words

As therapists, our intention is to guide clients toward self-awareness and healing. Sometimes that requires using strong, direct language to challenge long-held beliefs or to break through defenses. But the intention is always to support growth and understanding. Without knowing the context of a session, it’s easy to misinterpret that intention.

It’s like overhearing part of a conversation and assuming you know what’s happening. You might catch one line and jump to conclusions, but without the full exchange, you can’t know what the speaker was really trying to communicate.

Projection and Reflection

In therapy, projection plays a huge role. When we judge others harshly, it’s often because we’re avoiding something within ourselves. My client’s use of the word “pussy” was less about the person he was criticizing and more about his own struggle with vulnerability. By turning his words back on him, I was helping him reflect on where that judgment was coming from and what it might say about his own fears.

The exercise wasn’t about name-calling—it was about compassionately holding up a mirror. But without understanding the full session and the broader conversation, someone hearing about this moment could think a lot of things that aren’t true.

The Full Story Matters

When you hear “My therapist said…” from someone, or even reflect on your own sessions, it’s important to remember that those words are just one part of a much larger process. The real value comes from understanding the context and intention behind the words. In therapy, the work is rarely about the surface of what’s said. It’s about the deeper exploration of why those words were used, what they’re pointing to, and what healing they can bring.

Therapy is a journey, and each session is a step along the way. One phrase or question, taken out of context, can give the impression that we’ve reached a destination or made a judgment. But in reality, those moments are part of a much bigger exploration.

Conclusion: Don’t Believe Everything You Hear—Without the Full Story

The next time you hear someone say “My therapist said…” or find yourself reflecting on a particular phrase from a session, pause and ask: What was the context? What was the intention? How does this fit into the bigger picture of my healing journey?

Healing comes not from isolated moments, but from the continuous process of inquiry, reflection, and compassion. And when we take the time to understand the full story, we discover that what we once thought was true might have a deeper, more meaningful purpose than we realized.

Context matters. Not just in therapy, but in how we see and understand the world around us. And really, if you ever hear a snippet like “my therapist called me a pussy,” just remember, I’m probably not actually hurling insults. But hey, if I ever do, maybe we should talk about where you’re feeling insulted, because there’s a good chance it’s less about me and more about something that needs your attention. Plus, who doesn’t love a bit of therapy humor to keep things light? 

Embracing Shadows, Illuminating Hope,
Chelsey Fjeldheim, LCSW
Empowering Souls on the Path of Healing

Copyright © 2024 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling