As we grow our perspectives change. We can laugh at things we once cried about. We can see with new eyes—a past we couldn’t see until this moment. As we have experiences and develop through time, the world we once were living in looks much different from where we are now.
We can weep with joy and sorrow for the suffering we never needed to endure—such hardships we felt and created for others that no longer need to be held with the same emotion that was felt in the moment we experienced it. It was valid and true then. What we feel looking back on it today—that is valid and true now.
The world will continue to happen around us. Peoples own hurts will bleed onto us. And when we aren’t paying attention, our hurts will bleed into others. It is our job to notice, to question and find understanding.
We all hurt. We all suffer. We all project our own suffering onto others. However, we all have the ability to gain self awareness—to look back on our experiences from our current developmental perspective and find a new truth—the one that exists now. We can do that and gently hold the younger version of us that still feels hurt with compassion, love and understanding.
Want to try an exercise?
**I suggest picking a past experience that doesn’t feel like too much. Be in a space that feels safe to you. Consider doing it with your therapist if you don’t feel able to regulate well on your own.
- Choose an experience from your past.
- Look at it from the perspective of who you are now and everything you know as an adult.
From this adult perspective—how is the experience different than when you were experiencing it as a child?
- Envision the younger you coming into your life today. Ask them what they need to feel okay now. Do your best to give that to them.
- If they want to play, play. If they need to feel loved and safe, show them what safe love from you feels like. Maybe you hold their hand. Or just sit with them. Maybe you give them a hug and tell them you love them. Maybe you simply listen.
- Sit with this and notice your body. How has it shifted? How is the younger you doing? How are you doing now?
I’d love to hear about your experience with this if you gave it a try. Share with me if you feel inclined.
Copyright © 2023 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling
