There is life before. Before the accident, before the divorce, before the betrayal, before the loss. A time when things made sense, or at least felt familiar. Even if it wasn’t perfect, there was a rhythm to life that felt solid. Then, something happened—something that changed everything.

Then comes the after. The moment when we realize we can’t go back. Even if we try, we are different now. Trauma, loss, and sudden change shape us in ways we don’t always see right away. Maybe we become more guarded, more distant, more reactive, or more afraid. Maybe we feel disconnected or numb. These changes aren’t choices—they are adaptations, ways we learn to survive in a world that suddenly feels different.

But then, there is now.

Moving Forward After Trauma or Loss

Now is where healing begins, but not in the way we often imagine. Healing isn’t about getting back to who we were before. That version of us no longer exists—not in a tragic way, but in the way all things change. Instead, healing is about learning how to live in the now, with all that we’ve been through, without being stuck in survival mode.

How to Move Forward After Life-Altering Events

If the past is shaping our present, we might find ourselves feeling reactive, shut down, or overwhelmed without understanding why. Moving forward doesn’t mean forcing ourselves to be “okay” but rather learning how to notice what is happening inside us in real time.

Here are a few steps to start navigating life after a major impact:

1. Notice what’s happening in the moment

Rather than trying to “fix” yourself, begin by simply noticing. How does your body feel? Are you tense? Holding your breath? Do you feel numb or disconnected? These small awarenesses help us track what’s moving inside without forcing change.

2. Get curious about your patterns

The way you protect yourself now likely started in the after. Maybe you keep people at a distance. Maybe you over-explain yourself. Maybe you avoid certain places, conversations, or feelings. None of these things are wrong—they made sense at the time. But do they still serve you?

3. Slow down instead of rushing forward

Healing isn’t about pushing yourself past the pain or forcing yourself to “move on.” It’s about giving yourself permission to move at your own pace, to notice what’s shifting, and to trust that change happens organically.

4. Let go of the idea that healing means returning to who you were

You aren’t meant to go back—you are meant to become. The past will always be a part of you, but it doesn’t have to define you. The goal isn’t to erase what happened but to build a life that includes both where you’ve been and where you’re going.

Finding Yourself Again After a Major Life Change

If before was the life you once knew, and after was the rupture that changed it, now is where something new begins to take shape. Healing isn’t a destination—it’s an unfolding. And when we slow down enough to notice, we can begin to trust that something is already moving, waiting to be seen.

Embracing Shadows, Illuminating Hope,
Chelsey Fjeldheim, LCSW
Empowering Souls on the Path of Healing

Copyright © 2025 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling