How therapy looks from my perspective:
So tell me what you’re hoping to get out of therapy, and I’ll tell you (if I think I can help you) how I would work with you based on what you’re asking for. Then, you get to decide if you think I’m a good fit based on how you feel about me at the end of the session as well as how I plan to work with you.
Problems: You may like me, feel safe with me, but you may not like how I would help you through your issue(s). Or maybe it’s the other way around—you want to experience what I do but you don’t feel comfortable with me. Or the biggest one…you don’t know what you need so you don’t know if what I’m telling you is what you want or not.
That’s okay. Part of a therapist’s job is to listen to what your needs are, get confirmation from you that they are hearing your needs/wants correctly and then tell you how they can get you to your end goal.
You don’t have to know what you need. That is my job—to help you identify your needs and guide you in the direction that will get you there…or at least much closer to your goal.
I have a mission to get clients to the therapist that is the right fit for them. It’s not always me. And if I believe someone else will be more helpful—I will tell you that. No matter how much I enjoy you as a person, that’s not what you’re paying me for and I will not keep you if my way of doing therapy isn’t fitting with you. We will have a conversation and I will help you find someone else that fits better.
Therapists are not in competition. We work together. I want you to get what you need. Sometimes what you need isn’t me. If you know it before I do, tell me. Or just move on. I promise, I will be okay.
You never need to take care of your therapist’s feelings. I can accept that I’m not right for you when I’m not. That’s part of my job and responsibility to you as a professional. You don’t owe me anything. Will I miss you? Probably. Will I wonder how you are? 100% I will. But it’s okay. That’s the job I chose. I don’t always get to know how it turns out for the people I work with.
I care about you. I have the tools, skills, and support to take care of myself should I have feelings that come up. And most importantly, if I have feelings come up…guess what? That’s my shit…and doesn’t have anything to do with you. If I make it about you….well, that’s also my problem.
All you need to do is take care of you. And sometimes the first step is honoring the fact that the therapist you are seeing isn’t right for you. The best gift you can give your therapist is to have the courage to move on. Because, after all, that is HUGE progress!!
You deserve everything this world has to offer. Your therapist believes in you and your choices—even when your choice is to move on to someone else.
Just please, whatever you do, don’t give up. The right therapist is waiting for you. Help is out there. Keep trying.
Copyright © 2022 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling
