We’ve all heard it.

Someone drops the line: “Well, my therapist said…” and suddenly it’s supposed to be the mic drop. Case closed. End of argument.

Except… maybe not.

Therapy is a powerful tool. It can be life-changing, clarifying, healing. But like any tool, it can also be used to build walls, win fights, or justify behavior. Sometimes it’s less therapist wisdom and more weaponized therapy-speak.

When “my therapist said” becomes a shield

Sometimes people use their therapist like a human shield.

“My therapist said I don’t owe you an explanation.”

“My therapist said you’re toxic.”

“My therapist said I need to set better boundaries.” (Translation: you’re on dish duty forever.)

Maybe those words were actually said. Maybe they weren’t. Either way, what matters is how they’re being used. If the phrase shows up in a way that shuts down connection, ends dialogue, or avoids responsibility, it’s worth pausing.

Because good therapy doesn’t hand out slogans for battle. It invites curiosity, reflection, and—ironically—the exact opposite of certainty.

The grain of salt rule

Here’s the thing: you weren’t in the room. You don’t know the nuance. Therapists don’t live inside their clients’ relationships—they only hear one perspective. That means even if the therapist really did say those exact words, it came from within the frame of that one person’s experience.

So when someone leans hard on “my therapist said,” try the grain-of-salt approach. Respect that therapy might have been helpful. But also recognize that you’re getting a filtered, possibly weaponized version of it.

Underneath the weapon

It’s easy to get frustrated when therapy gets used like a sword. But underneath, it’s rarely about malice. More often, it’s about someone trying to make sense of their world. Trying to hold on to connection in the only way they know how. Trying to protect themselves when they feel shaky inside.

That doesn’t make it fair. It doesn’t mean you have to accept it. But it does mean there’s usually a human ache under the sharp edges. Therapy-speak becomes armor when someone doesn’t trust they’ll be safe without it.

A different kind of listening

So what do you do with it? You can still listen. You can still care. But maybe not take it as gospel. Ask yourself:

• Does this feel like a tool for connection or a tool for power?
• Does it open a conversation or end one?
• Is there space for your truth alongside theirs?

If the answer is no, it doesn’t matter if it came from Freud, Oprah, or a licensed clinician down the street. You still get to hold your own ground.

So yes, therapy is real. Healing is real. But “my therapist said” isn’t a sacred scripture. It’s a phrase. And phrases can be bent, stretched, and spun.

Take it with a grain of salt. Or if you’re me—maybe a whole shaker.

Embracing Shadows, Illuminating Hope,
Chelsey Fjeldheim, LCSW
Empowering Souls on the Path of Healing

Copyright © 2025 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling