Ever walk away from a conversation and think, Huh. That was… a lot of them and not much of me? Or realize you spent twenty minutes talking and didn’t ask the other person a single thing beyond maybe a half-hearted “how’s work?” while already changing the subject?
It happens. More than we like to admit.
We’re all out here doing our best—trying to connect, make eye contact, not overthink the handshake—and still, so much of our communication quietly revolves around us. How we sounded. What they thought. If we made it weird. (Spoiler: we probably did, but that’s okay.)
And somewhere in that internal swirl, we forget to ask the simplest thing:
How are you?
Not the drive-by version, but the kind where you actually mean it.
We all long to be seen. Really seen. Not just as the role we play or the things we do, but as the full, messy, layered human we are. And yet—here’s the kicker—we’re usually so caught up in wondering why we aren’t being seen that we don’t notice when we’ve done the same thing to someone else.
It’s not because we’re self-absorbed monsters. It’s because we’re human. And humans are kind of hilariously self-focused by default. Our brains are like, “Let’s make everything about me—just in case it is!”
But there’s a quiet power in shifting that.
Not in a performative, look-how-curious-I-am kind of way.
Just in the gentle moment where you pause and wonder, What’s it like to be them right now?
Maybe you ask. Maybe you don’t.
But even that moment of noticing can change something.
Because when people feel genuinely seen, something softens. And maybe—just maybe—they start seeing you, too.
So if you’ve been feeling like no one’s really asking how you’re doing, it might be worth noticing:
When’s the last time you asked someone else with your full attention?
No agenda. No rush. Just presence.
We’re all out here waiting to be asked.
What if you go first?
Embracing Shadows, Illuminating Hope,
Chelsey Fjeldheim, LCSW
Empowering Souls on the Path of Healing
Copyright © 2025 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling
