Nobody tells you this, but transformation doesn’t feel like transformation.
It feels like disorientation. Like losing your grip. Like questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. Like laying on your kitchen floor thinking, I don’t even know what to make for dinner, let alone how to live my life.
You think it’s going to feel like growth.
Like progress.
Like wings.
But first—it’s goo.
Like, literal goo. Did you know that when a caterpillar goes into its cocoon, it doesn’t slowly grow wings while keeping its little caterpillar feet? No. It melts. It dissolves into a soupy, unrecognizable mess before the blueprint for the butterfly even begins to activate.
So if you feel like a mess right now… you’re probably exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Most of us try to skip the goo stage. We want to go straight from “not this” to “something better.” But real change doesn’t work that way. Real change requires a breakdown of what was—of the old defenses, the roles we played, the identities we wore like armor. And losing all of that can feel terrifying. Even if we didn’t like who we were before, it was familiar. The goo is not.
But here’s the thing:
The goo isn’t failure.
The goo is formation.
It’s not depression or regression or a sign that you’re doing life wrong. It’s the messy middle between no longer and not yet. It’s when nothing makes sense and everything feels like a question mark, and you’re too tired to keep pretending you know what you’re doing.
You don’t have to know.
You just have to not harden back up into the caterpillar because that felt safer.
Let yourself stay soft for a bit.
Let yourself grieve the parts of you that don’t come with you into what’s next.
Let yourself rest, or cry, or wander aimlessly around Target while questioning your entire identity.
Let yourself be goo.
The blueprint is there. It’s already in you.
You don’t have to make wings happen.
You just have to not interrupt the process.
You’ll get there.
But for now—goo is sacred, too.
So if you’re falling apart and someone asks what’s going on, just tell them:
“I’m in my chrysalis era. Please respect the squish.”
Embracing Shadows, Illuminating Hope,
Chelsey Fjeldheim, LCSW
Empowering Souls on the Path of Healing
Copyright © 2025 Chelsey Fjeldheim, Courage Speaks Counseling
